I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
