I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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