Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
