who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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