it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
