I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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