So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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