fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
