Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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