I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
