weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
