it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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