you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
