Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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