Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
