she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to sanitize my soul.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
