i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
