The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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