break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
