Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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