I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
