halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
