It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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