my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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