My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
