Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
