The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
