i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
