Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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