My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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