Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
