I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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