This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
