how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
