The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
