I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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