I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
how drunk are you?
Several
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
