90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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