So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
