holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
