i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
