What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
