I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
