Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
