Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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