just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
