Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
