I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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