OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
