You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
