So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I will be naked everywhere
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
