awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
